I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
