I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
