corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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