So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
