pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
