I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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