So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
