You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
