i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
