Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize