she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
