That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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