My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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