I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dignity is for republicans.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
