I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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