Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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