3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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