feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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