Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
