Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
