There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
