Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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