no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
