woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize