You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
