No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
