you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
