I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want nice things and good sex
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize