The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
