I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I sprained my soul last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
