hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
