Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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