I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
