I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she looked like the before picture.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
