Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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