They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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