I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
