Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
