I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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