my shit smells like andre
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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