Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
