Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
