Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
