I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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