That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize