I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
