She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
