What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
too bad you live with your parents still
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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