one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
