They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
