I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
