I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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