Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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