its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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