I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
