Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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