I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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