Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
