Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
