Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
