Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize