i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
