I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
