all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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