she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
