Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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