I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
