I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
