I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
