Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The maid of honor just puked.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
