Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh god it's open bar.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
