We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
