they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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