can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How does it feel to date your dad?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
