I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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