That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
