i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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