i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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