I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
