So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
