Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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