I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
