I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
