Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
