I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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