Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
