Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
