Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did I show you my penis last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
