dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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