when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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