just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize