would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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