the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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